Single Parent Adoption

It isn’t all Rainbows and Unicorns

We at Project Hopeful believe children should live in families, not institutions or temporary families.  Ideally, children would be able to stay with their first (biological) families, even if external interventions and support are needed to make the first family a safe, healthy, and feasible option.  That said, we recognize that the first family may not always be a real option, and if all means of keeping a child in their first family are exhausted, we support adoption.  In fact, most of our volunteer staff and Board members are parenting children who were adopted.  A big part of our lives is raising adopted children and educating other families who have adopted or are considering adoption – we believe in it that much.

Since we have walked through many adoptions – our own and ones we helped other families through – we have come to realize that many of the public messages about adoption are dangerously one-sided.

Celebrity adoption photos, dreamy Facebook posts, and “Merry Christmas-from-our -’happy’-growing-family!” cards may have minimized the commitment that comes with parenting children from hard places.  We absolutely believe in celebrating adoptions but it is imperative that we begin to communicate more clearly:  adoption is hard.  While the anticipation during the paper stage, the process of being matched with a child, staring longingly at beautiful pictures of a child from another country, and even the first meeting can feel very fairy-tale like, this is not the reality of adoption.  There are rarely unicorns and rainbows.  Adoption is hard.

Children who were adopted come from broken places.  Even those who are adopted at a very young age have experienced trauma (or at minimum, great stress) in utero, which will impact their behavior and development […]

Blessed by JOY

Recently, something pretty amazing happened.  Something that surpassed any expectation I ever had for any of our HOPE+ sisters.  Meet Gertrude.

I met Gertrude the first time in March 2012.  She was an HIV+ widow whose life was hard….very hard.  She often didn’t have enough to feed herself and her son and she struggled to pay school fees.

In January 2013, we launched the Uganda HOPE+ sisterhood and Gertrude was one of the first women that entered our program.  She stood out to me because when we visited her, she prayed for me.  She prayed for God to bless the program and to help me find sisters for all of the sisters.  She was so excited to be part of this program.

 

I have literally watched hope grow inside Gertrude over the past 2 years.  Her eyes speak a joy I could only dream of having.

She has been blessed with Joy.  And I mean that literally.  Gertrude has become our first foster mom to a precious young girl named Joy who was desperately in need of a mother to love her.

I often find myself stepping back and saying “is this really happening?  Did an HIV+ widow who was destitute just 2 years ago open her home to a broken little girl?”  The answer is YES….and she did it with delight.

Gertrude’s faith and YES is truly and inspiration and a personal challenge for me.  Am I trusting that God will provide for my every need.  Am I taking Him for His word?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Matthew 6:26

It was […]

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    Encouragement for the Single Adoptive Mother: It doesn’t mean parenting alone.

Encouragement for the Single Adoptive Mother: It doesn’t mean parenting alone.

Hi. My name is Deb Steiner and I’m a single mother.

These are the words I never expected to say, but sometimes God’s plans aren’t ours. Most of the time, actually.

I always knew I would adopt. Both of my brothers are adopted and biracial. So from an early age, I dreamed of having a big and multi-cultural family of biological and adopted children, even requesting the black Sunshine family dolls when I was a kiddo.  But that wasn’t God’s plan for me, at least not yet.

Instead, I went to law school, zipped off into a career as a Federal Prosecutor and then became a lawyer with Big Law. While I’ve dated, some might say “a lot”, God hasn’t brought my husband. Yet. In my early thirties, my mentor and friend encouraged me to adopt; I called her crazy. The thought couldn’t have been further from my mind. I wanted children – sometimes desperately – but I didn’t think it made sense for me to adopt since I was single. Until I turned, well, about 36. Then God started speaking to me. Loudly. It was a bit of a scary time for me and rather than breathe a word to anyone (family included) I bought books and started reading. I read everything I could find about single adoption. There are some good, pragmatic, books, but nothing in the Christian literature section. (Hmm. I wonder who will resolve that ;) )

I struggled with questions about whether God would want me to proceed in such a radical way. I wondered if my friends would think I was nuts. I asked myself how I would manage “alone.” I wondered if any man would pick me after doing something so […]